First on the list are the events that transpired this past weekend under the guise of a DYB 'membership training' seminar. Early last week, I was approached by Anna about two issues. The first was that we were to begin an office wide Secret Santa like game, maniddo, where each teacher is supposed to surreptitiously shower another with gifts assistance and praise. Of course, my initial question was how this is supposed to remain a secret as the later two seemingly require some sort of interpersonal interaction. Unable to find anyone willing to answer my question, I quickly gave up on the matter figuring it would be to my maniddos disadvantage if they didn't take the time to explain it to me!
Turns out I was lucky enough to draw Terry which made associating with my maniddo less strenuous as I had imagined it could be had I chosen one of our numerous employees that I simply do not interact with on a daily basis. To get my showering of gifts over with quickly I simply asked Terry to come out for chicken and beer (if you haven't figured it out by know, this a Korean standard, don't ask why, it just is) and insisted on picking up the check. This was not an all together easy feat as she out ranks me in both age and status which, in this Confucian society, means that I am in no way obliged to be covering the tab. Even so, I was able to complete my mini-mission and make it even more convincing by talking the whole time about how I don't know what to do for my maniddo. How mendacious of me, right!?
The second matter of business that Anna addressed us all about on Tuesday was the weekend's upcoming 'membership training' seminar. While few details were disclosed at that time, Anna insisted that it would have three parts, 'dinner,' a 'serious part,' and then lastly the intemperate 'drunken part.' The one thing that was made clear was that sleep would be limited. As exciting as it sounded to get out of Seoul for the weekend, you can imagine how unappealing such an offer is when limited sleeping (usually my favorite weekend activity) is promised along with the company of only coworkers (those that I certainly, no offense, get enough of during the work week).
Come Saturday I was feeling confident about my maniddo responsibilities as I had slipped Terry a movie theater sized box of Skittles (thanks Dad) and a Starbucks gift card (or 'money check' as they refer to them here) during the course of the week. While she questioned me about it once, I quickly denied any knowledge of the gift bearer. As for me, I received a few kinda sticky notes accompanied by a delicious bottle of apple juice, and odd rice drink and on Friday, a package of chocolate covered nuts accompanied by a rather prurient love note. The later 'gift' sent me reeling as the grammatically incorrect ballad read like a veritable Korean translation making me question whether it was a joke or a terribly unrestrained lustful confession. Nevertheless, the letter assured me that my paramour would come forth on Saturday evening. . . now I really had something to look forward too!
After grabbing lunch with Steve in Itaewon, Nate and I headed back towards Junggye to get ready for our 6:00pm departure. Not wanting to miss my final soccer game of the season, I stuffed my backpack full of cleats and uniforms, leaving little room for anything else. I hoped, and was correct, in that it didn't matter. One thing I did bring however was my bathing suit as Terry had called the night before to let Nate and I know that we might go tubing during the 'camping trip.' I asked her if that meant we should bring bathing suits to which she responded 'No, just a change of clothes.'
This is hilariously indicative of Korean's conservative attitudes towards revealing ones body in public. While they (yes, I know this is a generalization but you find a better way to say what I'm trying to say) refuse to expose themselves on a beach or under the warm summer sun, these same people have no problem stripping down and walking around jimjilbangs (saunas/spas) in the buff, sharing showers, baths, and coffee all while completely naked. Yet, try to take your shirt off while tubing on a river and one is instantly made to feel ignominious. Just ask Nate!
What a shocking move!(Photo courtesy of NMK Studios)
So, with a backpack stuffed with nothing of real use I met up with the teachers just as they were exiting DYB headed for a small shuttle bus that normal whips our students to and fro academy in the evenings. In their matching shirts, I couldn't help but chuckle at the seriousness with which this outing seemed to be taken. Apparently, 'teams' had already be chosen and sides were represented by one of two colored smiley face t's. . .see below for a visual.
Dddd Yy Bb!(Photo courtesy of NMK Studios)
A two hour cramped bus ride later and we were dumped out into the remote darkness of Pyeonchang. Not only did I later learn that we weren't too far from the ski resort that we had visited over Lunar New Year but that the city is currently trying to put in an official bid for the upcoming Winter Olympics. Not sure where they'd host any of the downhill events but it's Korea, I'm sure they'll find a way!
Loadin' up(Photo courtesy of NMK Studios)
After unloading all our luggage (or lack there of, most of the Korean teachers brought nothing more than a decent sized purse) into the 'homey' four bedroom cabin, we headed outside to a long picnic table for a very traditional work related dinner. While food and beverage were abound, the main difference was that we did not cook the food directly at our table but rather Joseph (who we were happy to have accompany us on this trip despite no longer working at Junggye) and one of DYB's higher lever managers (who is also apparently our 'branch supervisor') cooked the samgyeopsal over two freestanding charcoal grills. Even so, dinner was delicious and excessive as always.
Joseph and I working hard to get dinner ready!As everyone began reaching their personal satiety, the focused shifted from dinner to one of two 'serious parts' of the weekend. In this phase of the evening, each person had to stand and covertly describe their maniddo while the others tried to guess who it was. Then the maniddo had to take the stage and praise the work of their personal agent. This continued on for some time as each pair was forced to take a 'love shot' (or two) of soju. The only thing I gained from this experience was the knowledge that my licentious love note was in fact a joke that had nothign to do with my maniddo but rather was planted by Razer to arouse suspicion. This was by far the funniest thing that I have seen a Korean execute that didn't involve self humiliation in some way, shape, or form.
The Spread!Growing extremely tired of the repetitive nature of these speeches, I was quick to agree to play the guitar for Razer who at one point decided it necessary to belt out a sloppy rendition of much rehearsed and once extremely tight 'DYB Song.' While I too intended on performing a version of the 'Mr. Song' song, I didn't end up getting around to it before we were all forced to go inside at the request of the couple who was staying in an adjacent room attached to our main cabin. I pity their choice of vacation date and location! I can only hope that this cherubic couple was offered some sort of compensation by the pension which presumably derived a rather hefty profit from hosting our over sized and soju suffused group of noisy teachers.
Straight Grillin'Bringing the meeting inside did not at all put an end to the festivities. Sitting in a large circle on the hard wooden floor, a number of games continued long into the night. By this time, everyone had either forgotten that Nate and I were presented or simply didn't care to take the time and effort to explain what was going on in English. Thus, the two of us were forced to sit there dumbstruck at the ridiculousness that ensued. Some teachers simply keeled over and continued trying to play while others looked to be in such bad shape that they were dragged off to bed. Now by bed I mean the floor as this capacious cabin had only one actual bed that was shared by merely two of the dozen plus teachers. . .mmmm, luxurious living!
Despite not understanding the progression of the games at hand, I was intermittently told to drink for I had unknowingly done something wrong. This I refused to do and simply curled up in a ball on the floor doing my best to eschew the mayhem. No matter how hard I tried, doing so was simply impossible as I was routinely badgered for putting my head down and not participating. . .um, okay, just explain the game to me.
A love shot with his pepoo!Eventually, sometime around 4:30am, we were told that the nights activities were over and it was time for bed. Settling into the small bedroom that Nate and I had earlier staked as the Native Room, we were quickly kicked out by a larger group of Korean teachers who insisted we were too spend the night in the main room with Joseph and the remnants of the evening's entertainment. As mentioned earlier, our bedding was no more than a Korean yeo, or thick blanket placed on the floor. Not only were Joseph's pre-bedtime antics hilarious, to say the least, but our laughter managed to keep the teachers up for at least a half hour beyond their prescribed bed time which, though it might have pissed them off a bit, I feel somewhat righteous for doing as they would soon subject me to much, much worse. . . .
An enthralling evening, can't you tell. . .It didn't seem like more than a second had passed before I awoke to Anna romping through the house belting out the shrillest wake up call I have heard since the 250 feral alarm clocks that roused me each morning in Ghana. This tirade continued on for what seemed like an eternity as I heard teachers grumble in to the shower and out to the picnic table for breakfast. Note that I say 'heard' and not 'saw' as I myself simply refused to budge. My weekends are allocated to resting and enjoying myself, not early morning wake up calls and DYB-isms. Thus, with Joseph tucked in tightly against me on the floor, I held my spot, eyes glued shut, all throughout breakfast. I knew I wouldn't be missing much here as I had Terry confirm my suspicion the prior night that there would be no eggs, bacon, toast or pancakes to be seen. Thus, breakfast was not in my game plan!
After everyone had eaten, and I had napped a few precious extra minutes of shuteye, I was eventually lured out of bed by Razer's guitar. Unfortunately, just as I leaned over to take it from him (oooo how I miss the vibrations of a full sized acoustic, though don't get me wrong, I love my Baby Taylor, which incidentally might be going up on the chopping block soon, see Craig's List Korea for details), we were called outside for the second half of the 'serious part,' speeches. I had been delighted when, the night before, we were informed that the speeches section would be delayed until morning due to our late arrival. Unfortunately at that time I didn't fully consider the repercussions of a samgyeopsal party followed by two hour of 'sleep.'
We had been informed of these speeches ahead of time but Anna had (purposely?) been rather vague in explaining the subject matter, merely portending that they were to be very, very serious. Here's what I was able to surmise ahead of time. We were supposed to talk about our past, present and future discussion the different emotions, goals and accomplishments associated with each. We were also to address our personality flaws and fundamentals while relating the whole thing to our experience working at DYB. Apparently, the speeches were supposed to be wrapped up with some grand 'resolution' about our personal role in further DYB Junggye Branch and helping it to reach it's ideal enrollment of 1000 students. (For reference, we currently have somewhere around 500 students and I would consider both the teachers and physical space completely exhausted. . .so good luck Junggye!)
Previously, as I had plenty of down time on the bus ride to the site, I had actually considered attempting to address the majority of these topics. Sure, everything regarding my role in DYB would be fudged and nothing about my personal life would be revealed other than a rosy version of my time in Korea but, at least I had intended on trying. That all changed Sunday morning. For three hours I sat in the chilly morning on a hard, short, uncomfortable wooden bench listening to Korean teachers give tear jerking stories about their failed lives in a language that I understand not a lick of. I was hungry, tired and plain old pissed off at the fact that I was forced to sit through this when earlier in the week Terry had promised me the weekend would be 'in English' to test the other teachers' linguistic perspicacity.
I know it might sound a bit like whining to say 'oh, I had to go on vacation, eat and drink for free all night, then wake up and listen to a bit of seriousness that in all honesty I could zone out,' but believe me, this was worse that torture. To sit there and pretend like what was going on mattered was simply a joke. It didn't take me long to just close my eyes and totter back and forth. This only lasted a few seconds however before the Branch Supervisor, sitting across from me, tossed me a swift kick under the table. After the first few torturous hours I began to let hold of anything I was previously doing to belie my annoyance with the situation. While at one point I simply got up to go fetch some bananas from inside, it was only too soon before I had to reluctantly trod back out to the confession session.
By the time it was my turn to make an announcement I spent no more than five minutes telling my audience about how I enjoy Always Doing Always Moving (did you catch the acronym?). What my point came down to was that I've been in Korea for more than long enough and it was time for me to embark on a new adventure which I am eagerly anticipating. I felt this topic to be most relevant as I was well aware that at the onset of this trip, the goal of a number of teachers was to try and persuade Nate and I both to resign our contracts and stay longer with DYB. While I never have and do not intend to ever do so, I have little problem addressing the issue of my eventual departure though normally I do so with much greater restraint.
Finally, after about three and a half hours of these continuous, indecipherable screeds, Razer stood up and insisted that he must leave as he had certain business, I believe of the ecclesiastical order, to attend to. I too excused myself (or maybe I didn't) and turned to hop in the car with him as I had expressed that my commitment to my soccer team was as long lasting as that to DYB and my last regular season game was not to be missed. Thankfully, Razer agreed to pack me in and less than an hour later I was back in the comfort of my Doota abode. While I say I was lucky to get out of there, after only another hour or so of speeches, the 'serious part' broke down into an afternoon of water sports which I am somewhat disappointed I missed. Though it would have been great fun to go tubing, I wouldn't have traded my last game in for it and am certainly glad that I made it back in time. Thanks a bunch Razer!
As for Sunday afternoon, well, that's already been covered, just check below if you missed it! I tried to vote for myself today (hey, why not?) for defensive player of the year but it turns out you're not allowed to vote for anyone on your own team and you have to click a button verifying that you didn't. I'm all for self predilection but I couldn't bring myself to lie to the cyberworld about voting for a teammate. . .oh well, we'll see if anyone else noticed me other than Sun. I doubt it but, then again, you never know! The results will be disclosed this Saturday at an awards banquet in Gangnam. Apparently, no one from our team showed up last time except for Sun and as of now, no one but him has RSVP'd. I can't say I'm dying to go and mingle with fellow league players, none of whom I know, but I think I'll go just to show support for Sun as he's been such a helpful mentor here. I just hope the buffet is worth 18,000 won!
I know the weekend wasn't that bad and obviously the teachers' nefarious agenda was meant as a sort of solidarity generating technique. The part that I just can't get over is that it did nothing to create such a feeling for anyone but the Korean teachers. Sure, there were a dozen of them and only two of us 'Natives' but then again, we're the one's that they're trying to get to stick around. Or maybe, are they really more worried about everyone else leaving? Now that I think about it, that's likely the much bigger issue for them as the KT's continue to drop like flies. Just last month we lost another newer member, Ja Young who was replaced by the kind but rather eccentric Susan (Ho In). At the rate they're going, the DYB I will say good bye to in a few months time will be almost entirely different from that which I joined last August. I wonder if these sort of seminars help, or hurt their cause. I guess that's not for me to worry about now is it!
Well look at how time flies! And didn't I say just a few thousand words ago that I had nothing substantial to report on this momentous day? Whoulda thunk it'd all just come rushing out like that! As for the other updates I was going to leave you with, well, don't worry about 'em now. I'll save it for sometime when I've got nothing left to rant about. When'll that be? Well, your guess is as good as mine!
Goodnight and Happy 300!
(*While reading, I have recently begun the practice of writing down, and subsequently looking up, words that I am unfamiliar with. Although I've been told to do this for years, I've never actual done so until now. Not surprisingly, I rather enjoy doing so as I feel like it's opening a whole new literary world to me. In the past, I have never minded simply skimming over unrecognizable words whereas now I am eager to learn their meaning which I write down in my school/work notebook. In order to help me better remember these new words, I have tried to slip them into both conversation and most recently, my writing. The above posts contains 10 or so of these 'new words/phrases' borrowed from authors Tom Robbins, Paul Theroux, Kevin Gotham, Jon Krakauer and David Grazian. I don't doubt that the majority of these are used incorrectly as I am hardly familiar with the terms. Even so, I find it's worth the practice and I'll eagerly accept any critique that you might be willing to offer! Can you find all 10!?)
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